The Warriors Collection!
by Streak-Raven
Summary: Ever wonder what 40K heroes are like off the battleground? If so check here to read about all your favorite, captains, primarks, heroes and characters and the shenanigans they get into.
1. The Bon Fire

Note: all these characters are property of people who own them, now on to what people want to read.

Coming up next on TVC: The Warriors 8:00

South-east Park 8:30

The Young and the Speedy 9:00

Together forever, this I know,

Weapons held high, and blasting xenos,

Fighting together, side by side,

So come on, come along, for the ride

You are the warriors of my liiiiiiifffffe!

**The Bonfire**

"Ok, so who's all here" said Marnus Calgar.

"Me" said Shrike

"Me" said Cypher

"Me too" said Lion El'Jonson.

"Ok, I think that's everyo-" suddenly a water baloon erupted of the back of Marnus's head. "HOLY IMPERIAL EAGLES JUMPING AROUND A SERVITOR WITH A WIREING PROBLEM WHO WORSHIPS CHAOS! WHAT WAS THAT?"

"Ha ha! I will ruin your lives because every sitcom needs a bad guy!" said Abbadon, who was riding past on his bike. He then through another water baloon which bursted on Lion.

"EEEAAH! Now im all soppy! He yelled

"Oh don't be such a baby" said Cypher. He was the hit then too. "WAAAAAAA!"

"Holy crap im getting out of here!" said Shrike as he activated his jump pack. He took off, and a crunch followed. "Ahhhh! Im stuck in the tree!"

"Your so stupid" said Cypher, looking up at him.

"HOLY BOLTERS FIREING UPSIDE OF AN ORKS PIMPLY BUTT! ABBADON"S RIDENG HIS SISTERS BIKE" Callgar yelled.

"WAAAAA! And Abbadon rode away."

"HAPPY SERVO-SKULLS FLOATING AROUNG AN TITANS SHEILDS! HE'S GONE!" screamed Callgar.

"K, can you stop talking like that? Its really annoying" said Lion.

"Can someone get me down?" said Shrike, trying to yank his lightning claws from the branch"

"I uh forgot the uh hotdogs DON'T SPANK ME!" said lion.

"ROTATING BARRELS OF AN DEATHWATCHES BLACK ASSUALT CANNON! HOW CAN WE HAVE A BONFIRE WITHOUT HOTDOGS!"Callgar shouted.

"SHUT UP!" said Lion

"Uh, im quite sure a Squirrel has crawled into my armor!" said Shrike, hanging by his claws. "Can someone get me down?"

"HOLY BRASS RIHNOS ROLLING SIDEWAYS ACROSS A TYRANNID HIVE IN THE SUN FROM AN ELDAR CRAFTWORLD EXPLODING BECAUSE AN IMPERIAL GUARD FLEET ATTACKED IT AND A LEMAN RUSS SHOT AT IT WITH ITS GUN INSIDE DETONATING ITS POWER STABALIZER CORE! ILL GET YOU DOWN SHRIKE!" "Man that was a mouthful" said Marnus panting.

"Can some one else get me down?" Said Shrike.

"Did somebody say my name?" said Leman Russ sticking his head over the fence. I was just playing runescape when I heard you guys screaming about hotdogs, so I quickly sold my Steel kite shield, grabbed some hot dogs and ran over.

"LOUD APOTHICARIES SPINNI-"

"Thanks" Cypher said, cutting off Callgar.

"Have you guys ever wondered why hotdogs come in packs of 8 while buns come in 12?" said Shrike, still stuck in the branch.

"JUMPING LASGUNS CARRIED BY SOILDERS IN THE MEDUSA CAMPAIN HE'S RIGHT!"

"Well, I guess we can have our Bonfire now so lets have it." Said Lion

"I feel more like tacos now" said Shrike, still trying to dislodge himself from the tree.

THE END, BUT STAY TUNED!

………………………………………………………….

Hi kids! Its me Shrike! Im going to read this weeks letter in….

LETTER TIME!

Heywood Jablowme writes:

Dear Shrike, I have a terrible ripper problem in my back yard, they keep ripping up my garden! My poor flowers can't take much more! I've tried flamers, lasguns, water, more water, grenades, plastic expolosives, C4, yet more water, trapps, Gretchen, Bug bombs, ripperbombs, and smokeing them out. However, I CANT GET THEM OUT OF THERE BURROWS AND KILL THEM! What should I do?

Well Heywood, you have obviously never seen Caddyshack, which shows that you can not kill any burrowing critters no matter what! Particularly gophers on a golf course. Also, unless im mistaken rippers have like a +1 coversave so your wasteing your time. I suggest leaving some sort of food that rippers like, such as body parts on your lawn so they will go for that instead of your garden. I beleve you can get body parts for about 9.99 at your local Heresy store. Hey why do prices always end in 99? Why not just say $10? Oh well, that's it for this weeks letter time, I hope this anwsers your question Heywood.


	2. Sleep Over!

Note: All the characters are properties of people who own them. If you review, I will make more. (Note's Note: ill make more anyways, but give me ideas!)

Together forever, this I know,

Weapons held high, and blasting xenos,

Fighting together, side by side,

So come on, come along, for the ride

You are the warriors of my liiiiiiifffffe!

**The sleepover**

"HOLY SYMBOLS OF THE OMNISSIAH, EVERYONES HERE!" Callgar's voice rang out in the tent.

"K, Callgar we can hear fine." Said Cypher

"No, where's Creed?" said Shrike.

"IM RIGHT HERE!" said Creed loudly

"ROLLING TANKS OF THE LEMAN RUSS VARIETY YOUR LOUD CREED!" Callgar yelled.

"What?" said Leman Russ looking up from his monthly runescape member's e-mail he printed out.

"Nothing Lemon, he didn't mean you" said Shrike

"Leman" Russ corrected him.

"Right, Lemon"

"Never mind, I have a messy poo coming, im going into the house." Leman said, getting up."

"How do you know it's messy?" Shrike asked.

"Well first I get this feeling in my spine that feels lik-"

"FALLING THUNDERHAWKS IN THE RAIN BY A NECRON MONOLITH! WE DON'T NEED TO KNOW MORE!" screamed Callgar

"There's no room in this tent" Creed complained

"Who brought the food?" said Lion

"I brought enough eggs for everyone" said Cypher

"B-b-bird eg-ggs?" said Shrike

"Ya there really good to" he said eating one.

"MURDERER!" yelled Shrike. "I PROBABLY KNEW THEM!" He then proceeded to jump on Cypher and beat him with his lightning claws.

"AHHHH! YOU INFEDEL! THERE CHICKEN EGGS, NOT RAVEN EGGS!"

"o-oh o-k-kk-ok" said Shrike

"Besides you're not a bird" Lion added

"Yes I am!" Shrike wailed back.

"Hey, what's that noise" said Creed. Then from outside the tent in the yard, they heard; tahwu, tahwu, tahwu, tahwu.

"Wha-whats that?" Lion whispered

"It might be a necron" whispered Creed, fear in his eye.

"Or a tyrannid carnifex" said Cypher

"Or it might be Cypher's mom!" Shrike said quietly.

"Ya, hey, WHAT!" said Cypher.

"Shhhhh be quiet" said Lion. Then Callgar took a breath.

"No! Don't do it! Be strong!" Everyone begged. However that wouldn't make for a very interesting story soooo:

"JUMPING ASSAULT MARINES ROLLING THROUGH ROSE BUSHES MADE BY ORKS! WHO KNOWS WHATS OUT THERE!

Then crunching foot steps headed towards the tent, and a blue, wrinkly face came through the tent flap.

"Hiy guoys!" said Aunshi.

"Oh great its you." Said Lion

"U Guoys having eh sweepover, mondwo stellwar!"

"Eh yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa" said Cypher. "You have a very hard to understand accent."

"Whuts wong with hi voice?"

"Ohhhh all of it" said Shrike. Suddenly a water balloon flew in and hit Callgar.

"PUNCHING ASSAULT TERMINATORS WITH THUNDER HAMMERS NOT AGAIN!" he shouted.

"Ha" said Abbadon. "Take that!"

"AAAAA the bad man!" yelled Lion. They all got out of the tent.

"He he" Abbadon laughed. "Now I have henchmen!" "The fat, smelly green guy to my left is Nurgle, and the large guy who likes to cut himself for blood on the right is Khorn."

"K, can you just go away, you're like a hard poo; if you don't finish it the first time, it slides back in and you have to force it out all over again" said Leman Russ who was returning.

"And that makes my henchmen?" said Abbadon looking disgusted.

"The corn chunks in it" Russ replied smartly.

"EWWWWWW! Let's get out of here!" Abbadon screeched

"I'm corny poo?" said Nurgle "YAY!"

"EWWWWW! Whats dwiscusting!" said Aunshi

"SPINNING TECHMARINES IN FULL SERVO HARNESS DOING THE CHICKEN DANCE! WE HAVE BEEN UP ALL NIGHT!" yelled Callgar

And so they had.

THE END, STAY TUNED FOR MORE!

…………………………………………………………………………………………...

Hi infidels! I the great Cypher will be doing this weeks……

LETTER TIME!

Hugh Jass writes:

Dear Cypher, Why do telemarketers always call during supper?

Well Hugh, Telemarketers are among the most evil and maniacal beings ever spawned. They actually have a little chip in there brain that goes BEEP BEEP BEEP! Every time someone is eating. Then they spring into action, trying to sell you things like; Toothbrush cleaners, Bicycle airbags, N-Sync CD's and all manner of things that you would never buy. Why do they do this? To make our lives miserable. I say we stop the Telemarketer menace at all costs! No more will we be lured into swimming in the Sahara Desert or getting the first condo on the moon! Well im off to attack telemarketers, bye.


	3. We Have Talent!

Note: Man I hate this copywrite junk, but I don't want to be sued. All characters are property of the people who own them. As well, if you like this, check out Rise of the Shadow Swords, my more serious story. Ok here is the story. Oh one more thing, don't try to replicate ANY of the stunts in this 

Together forever, this I know,

Weapons held high, and blasting xenos,

Fighting together, side by side,

So come on, come along, for the ride

You are the warriors of my liiiiiiifffffe!

**We Have Talent!**

"Hey guys! Americas got Talent is on!" Shrike yelled.

"Since when did we get a T.V. in the tree house?" asked Creed

"RUNNING RIPPERS ROLLING RUDELY PAY MORE ATTENTION CREED!" Callgar screamed.

"Did some one say Americas got Talent?" Lion sprinted up the latter, followed by Cypher.

"Holy crap that guy just shoved a firework up his butt and is shooting them out of his mouth" Shrike pointed excitedly.

"ROLLING LEMAN RUSSS! WE SHOULD HAVE A TALENT SHOW!" Callgar shouted.

"Did somebody say my name?" Leman Russ said as he poked his head up into the treehouse. "I could wow them with how I have a spear and tank named after me."

"KICKING MARINES IN THE SNOW WITH SANTA HATS I HAVE A WHOLE LEGION NAMED AFTER ME!" Yelled Callgar

"Oh yea; Ultramarines; Marnus Callgar, I can sure see the resemblance." Cypher mocked.

"Awwww, that fireworks guy shouldn't of got X's, he was cool" said Creed.

"Ya, but he did hiccup halfway through and shot a lump of poo out his mouth at David Hasselhoff" said Lion.

"I like David" said Shrike.

………………………………………………………………………………..

(Note: if you have the American idol theme on your computer, play it now)

Welcome……to WARHAMMER40K IDOL! Ill be you host, the author! Who will be the next big talent? We find out today! In the judge's booth, we have David Hasselhoff! Simon Callwell! And The EMPEROR! So try not to screw up guys! The starting lineup:

LEMAN RUSS, THE POOP ENCYCLOPEDIA!

CYHPER THE MAGNIFICENT!

SHRIKE THE AMAZING BIRD MAN!

U.CREED, THE NEXT……..BRITNEY SPEARS? WHO WROTE THAT?

(K stop the music)

"Ok Leman Russ, what do you do?" said David.

"I can tell you any type of poo there is!"

"NEXT!" said Simon.

"What a stupid talent" said David.

"Hey, that wasn't fair we didn't see his talent!" the Emperor protested.

"Oh you only like him because you picked him for a primeark!" said David

"Ya if I ever need to know what poo is…" said Simon. "Ok, what do you do?"

"I will wow people with my magic tricks!" said Cypher. "So if I could have my lovely Heretic follower come up here!" "Right, now I will put her in this box, and now that she is in, I will pierce swords right through it!" "There's 1,2,3,4 and 5! 5 swords!" "Now I will shoot the box!" BANG! "Now I take the swords out, look inside, and she will be com-m-pleatly, unhar…

"Ewww" said Simon. "NEXT!"

"That would be a good way of executing people" said the Emperor.

"Ya bore them to death." Said David. "Right, now you're Shrike?"

"Yes….IM YOUR BIGGEST FAN DAVID I LOVE YOU!"

"Your too kind, really, now what do you do."

"Oh, I can fly! I'm a bird!"

"Your wearing a jump pack stupid." Said Simon

"So I'm a bird look at my beak!" Shrike protested.

"That's your helmet Shrike, NEXT!" said the Emperor.

"Right Creed, what will you do?" said David.

"I sing"

"Ok, let's hear it."

"CaN YOUuuu Feeel The LUVV ToNIGHtt!" Creed sang.

"NEXT" said David. "Man that was terrible."

"I would rather watch a camel try to drink from a bucket suspended from its genitals then listen to that again!" said Simon.

Right! That first round is over, and it's getting intense! Well be back after these messages!

………………………………………………………………………………

Please leave a message after the beep!

……………………………………………………………………………..

(Play the Idol theme again)

And we are back in…..WARHAMMER40k IDOL! The last round was intense if you're just joining us, and the judges are merciless! Right round twos line up is:

MARNUS CALLGAR, THE LONG WINDED!

ABBADON THE BETTER MAGICAN THAN CYPHER!

Right, lets goooooooooooo!

(Stop music)

"Ok Callgar, what do you have for us?" said Simon

"DANCING NECRONS ON MARS WHERE THE TECH PRISTS ARE THIS IS MY ACT IT IS SO GOOD ROLLING RINOS ITS GOOD I SHOULD DEFNATLY CONTINUES BECAUSE THE ELDAR WARP CANNON SHOT AND BLEW UP THE HIVE TYRANNID WITH A FIREY EXPLOSION THAT SCARED AN ORK IN THE SIDE OF TREE!"

"Get out of here" said David

"Ok, Abbadon, what do you do" said the Emperor.

"Magic better than Cypher" He replied.

"Ok show us" said Simon.

"Oh, I didn't think I would get this far so I don't have any tricks."

"NEXT" said the Emperor.

Well were all out of contestants, so the winner is………….AUNSHI!

"WHAT?" said everyone but the judges.

"O mi Gwosh! Diws wis Amazwing!" Aunshi cried.

"Well see since all your acts sucked, we needed to pick someone, and that someone who did better than you guys wasn't even competing!" said David.

"I WHIN I WHIN!" Aunshi yelled. "Sfank you Sfanta!"

(Play that Music!)

All right, well that was unexpected! Join us next time for more exiting the warriors!

THE END, STAY TUNED!

……………………………………………………….

CREDITS:

Arrangements for Warhammer Idol were provided by The Turbo Terra Foundation.

And the Ultramar Association

Special thanks for the judges for takeing the time to head on out here, and for being such good sports.

The Emperors wardrobe provided by Tracy's Armory.

Thanks to Coke-Cola for providing refreshments.

Thanks to Fan Fiction for broadcasting this momentous event

Some of these clips had to be edited for time such as Callgars act and Creeds for public decency.

All those really tiny words at the bottom of the credits you can't read. Why do they even put them this small, no one can read them. Well if you can read this, you certainly don't need glasses or already have them. woot.


	4. PARTAY!

NERVOUS NECRONS READ THIS! All Right! Here we go with the warriors back in business and with chapters! I will be posting all new stories in this (your welcome Saberjustice!) so keep contact with this one if ya like the series. Right, before I let you read, please check out and review Rise of the Shadow Swords, my other story.

Also, all characters throughout this are property of people who own them unless stated otherwise. And for this first story, sorry RightGuard! (The Deodorant).

Together forever, this I know,

Weapons held high, and blasting xenos,

Fighting together, side by side,

So come on, come along, for the ride

You are the warriors of my liiiiiiifffffe!

PAR-TAY!

"Hey I have an idea" said Creed, one boring afternoon.

"First time for everything" Cypher mocked.

"IT'S A SIGN OF THE APOCALYPSE! RUN!" Shrike shrieked as he rolled under the couch.

"Ha ha, but really, know what we need to have?"

"A runescape clan?" said Leman Russ.

"A Cypher's sweet club?" said Cypher.

"A Chwest Tweam?" said Aunshi, walking into the tree house.

"No, no, and get out" said Creed. "A party!"

"ROLLING STAR CANNONS BY JUMP PACKS! THAT'S A GREAT IDEA!" Callgar yelled.

"Ya" said Lion. "It can be in the back yard, and we can invite lots of people!"

"Cool!" said Leman Russ.

"Well, we need jobs" said Creed. "Leman Russ, you're in charge of the invitations."

"Yes sir!" said Leman, jumping to a mock salute.

"Callgar, you and I are in charge of staying here and preparing the yard."

"JUMPING BASILISK'S! ILL DO MY BEST!"

"Lion, you need to get food"

"Okay-day" said Lion.

And Shrike and Cypher, ok, aaannnnd Aunshi"

"YAY! I'm wiked!" said Aunshi.

"Whoa, don't get cocky; I would say more of, accepted" said Cypher.

"Anyways" said Creed. "You three will get part decorations."

"Ok when, wets gwwwooooooooo!" yelled Aunshi, holding up a hi-five that no one returned.

……...……………………………………………………………………………………

"Right invitations" said Leman Russ. "Hmmmmm." "Well, who should I invite?" "Well everyone I know, except Nightbringer, I had my freaking fill of him at that elder look a like party."

"HA! I owned you!" said Nightbringer, poking his head over the fence.

"Shut your face" said Leman.

……………………………………………………………………………………………...

"Ok, food" said lion. "Right, I really wish that Creed wrote this in writing I could read." "Does that say 'Chips' or 'Pants'?" Well, Ill get both." "Ah, that clearly says fast food, down at the bottom." Well, I still need, what looks like; 'chezees' 'plop' 'cotcorn' and 'thrownuts'. "Man, its like listening to Aunshi."

………………………………………………………………………………………………

"Right, here we are, the party store" said Shrike

"Um, Shwike, wats a wonden dwugs" said Aunshi.

"Party store, London Drugs, tomato, tamoto" said Shrike.

"Right well let's get the stuff" said Cypher.

……………………...

"Whoa! Tag body spray!" said Shrike.

"If only it really did make every woman in a 5 mile radius tackle you" said Cypher

"Wa, wat would be coowl" said Aunshi.

"Ya, Rightguard does that, but unfortunately with men" said Cypher.

"Hey, know what I've noticed in those commercials, every girl seems to be hot, I mean, in the body shots commercial they say, do you know where your daughter is?" "So, why don't they show all the fat, ugly ones pouncing on the person as well?" said Shrike.

"Hey where's Aunshi?" said Cypher.

"NO! DWONT PWUT WHAT ON DA SHWELF!"

"Uh-oh" said Shrike.

"NWO! STWOP!"

"What's going on here?" said Cypher, to a bewildered clerk.

"He won't let me put hair spray on the shelf."

"Right, come on" said Shrike, pulling Aunshi away from the clerk, who looked ready to beat him.

"Well I got some party stuff" said the clerk. He handed it to them.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

"Um hello?" said Lion to the window.

"Hello, welcome to Mc Emperors" said the voice from the drive through.

"Ya I would like um, 80 meals please"

"Would you like to titan size it?"

"Ok"

……………………………………………………………………………………...

"Abbadon, glad you could make it!" said Creed as the party began to go into full swing.

"Ya, cool party, hey is Tzeench here yet?"

"Oh yea he's over there talking to Gaszkull."

"Man this was a good idea" said Leman Russ.

"No kidding, but how many people did you invite?" said Creed.

"Ohhhhhhhh, not that many" Russ replied as the Avatar clomped into the backyard.

"KILL SMASH NEED TO PEE!"

"Uh oh, better direct Gaszkull to the bathroom" said Cypher sprinting toward the noise of the gunshots.

"Why dwid you wet him pwut dwown the hairspway, it wis a gwater gwood inswult!" Aunshi yelled.

"Right, well Ill figurer that one out tomorrow, but right now there's a battle sister I want to meat" said Shrike. "Good thing I have this!" he said pulling out Tag and dousing himself in it.

THE END BUT STAY TUNED!


	5. Whos Better?

Note: I try to make each episode more outrageous than the last, so this time I added some non-warhammer characters to the mix! Also incase your wondering, in this argument with my friends, I normally take the position shrike does. (I like both equally) also, sorry this episode is so short; I couldn't come up with ideas to continue it.

Together forever, this I know,

Weapons held high, and blasting xenos,

Fighting together, side by side,

So come on, come along, for the ride

You are the warriors of my liiiiiiifffffe!

**WHO'S BETTER?**

"IM TELLING YOU YOU'RE WRONG!" CYPHER YELLED.

"NO HE SUCKS! WHAT I LIKE IS THE WAY TO GO!" LION SCREAMED BACK.

"Whoa, Lion, I know Cypher stole your sword, but come on!" said Shrike Walking in.

"No, that's tomorrow's argument" said Lion

"What's today's?" said Shrike bewildered.

"Who's better; Mario or Sonic?" said Lion.

"And its clear Sonic is better" said Cypher. "What's so great about an overweight Italian plumber? Sonic is the picture of health."

"And the picture of inbreeds, a bat loves an echidna, and a fox loves a freaken PLANT!" Lion shot back.

"Shrike what do you like?" said Lion. "Are you going to be a Mario lover, or a no-good, jerk face, stupid, dumbo, poopy-pants Sonic lover!"

"Well, there both classic characters, I mean you can't judge the best of the best!" Shrike carefully said to avoid getting slugged.

"I would have to go with Mario" said Leman Russ. "He plays around in the pipes where my business goes, I feel sorry for him."

"DIGGING LAND RAIDERS IN THE EYE OF TERROR! IM GOING WITH SONIC I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN A FAN OF THE ROBOTS!" Callgar shouted.

"What are you a tech priest?" said Lion.

"I wike Bwomber Man" said Aunshi, poking his head in.

"Go away" said Cypher. "Someone's putting down hair spray at Ultramar Utilities."

"WHOSE FWEINDS!" yelled Aunshi sprinting down the road.

"Isn't that across town?" said Shrike.

"Yea" said Cypher laughing.

"Well it would seem we are at a tie" said Lion

"I like Mario" said Abaddon coming in.

"HA HA HA! WE WIN!" yelled Lion.

"I have something to say" said a voice.

"ROLLING ORKS THROUGH ELDAR GARDENS! YOU!" yelled Callgar.

"Now way!" said Leman Russ.

"How do all these people get into our house?" said Shrike.

"Gregor Eisnhorn!" yelled Lion.

"What happened to your face?" said Cypher.

"Shh! don't be rude, but what happened?" said Lion.

"Gorgone Locke of Slannish" Eisnhorn said.

"Ahhh, Slannish" everyone said in unison.

"Well I like sonic" Eisnhorn said.

"HA A TIE!" yelled Cypher.

"Dang" said Lion.

"And know how I stole your sword lion? That was from sonic power" said Cypher.

"No!" said Lion.

"Oh yea!" yelled Cypher. And then, the arguments started again.

THE END, BUT STAY TUNED

Hey it's Gregor, know whets really sad about this argument? The Nintendo and Mario franchise has been crushed under the heels of Microsoft and Sega, and Sonic has had so many bad games, he's a cornball.

"HEY! I HEARD THAT LETS GET HIM!" WHAM! BOB!

NOW REALLY THE END!


	6. ROOOAAAADDD TRRRIIIPP!

Note: hey, I'm back sorry I haven't updated in a while, been living summer to its fullest. Well now the guys are going on a road trip! Also, the East Emperor Inn is based on a hotel I stayed in in Drumheller; the East Coolie Inn (yes it is really that crappy). Also the Inquisitors/lightbulbs joke is courtesy of my friend Solid Snake18. One more thing, the road song is my own spoof of Weird Al Yankovic's 'Trigger Happy'

Together forever, this I know,

Weapons held high, and blasting xenos,

Fighting together, side by side,

So come on, come along, for the ride

You are the warriors of my liiiiiiifffffe!

**ROAAAAAD TRRRIIIPPPP!**

"Eisenhorn! Hurry up!" yelled Shrike, tying down suitcases to the top of the land raider crusader. "What more can you possibly bring!"

"Oh, some more weapons, robes, some bones for Churabel….."

"EMPEROR CHRIST! It's not a dog!" yelled Lion.

"Right, I think were ready to go" said Cypher.

"To the Emperors hotel" said Creed as Shrike fell off the land raider.

"I hear they have excellent toilets" said Leman Russ, cramming toilet paper into the raider's side door."

"And a great pool with 3 waterslides!" said Shrike, getting up.

"Heck! We want to see all the stops along the way!" Lion said

"No we don't" said Eisenhorn.

"Oh come on, you know what they say; getting there is half the fun!" said Lion smiling.

"Who says that?" said Cypher.

"I do" said Lion. "Besides, whose raider is it?"

"Callgars" said Leman.

"Well, he's sick so I'm driving" said Lion. "And who doesn't want to see the world's largest ball of flem?" "Or ride an Emperor titan?"

"Well the flem is just gross, and the 'titan' is probably a harnessed techmarine who is cursing his luck" said Shrike.

"Come on lets go" said Cypher, getting in.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

"GETTEN JIGGY WIT IT! Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na!" everyone except Lion and Leman sang.

"CRANK DAT RADIO!" yelled Cypher.

"I LOVE TOU LEMAN!" shouted Creed.

"BANNANAS!" yelled Shrike.

"WEEEEEEEE!" screamed Eisenhorn.

"Should have guessed that no good Demonhost spiked those pops with pep pills" said Lion. "Luckily I don't except anything from that thing."

"And I think peeing is blasphemous" said Leman.

"HEY EISENHORN! HOW MANY INQUISITORS DOES IT TAKE TO SCREW IN A LIGHTBULB?" yelled Shrike.

"I DON'T KNOW BUT YOU THINK I WOULD!" screamed Eisenhorn back.

"3! ONE TO SCREW IT IN, ONE TO OUTLAW LIGHTBULBS, AND ONE TO PROVE LIGHBULBS NEVER EXISTED!"

"Read a book!" yelled Leman, tossing maintaining your weapons by Lasg Un into the crew hold.

……………………………………………………………………………………………...

A few hours later, and the pep pills had worn off and it was about 10:30pm.

"We need to stay some where" said Creed.

"What about there; the East Emperor Inn?" said Leman, pointing to a grungy hotel coming up.

"Ok" said Cypher.

"Fine" said Eisenhorn.

"Ok by me" said Lion. "Shrike?"

"One sec" he replied quietly. He was reaching for the handle to a small overhead container, whose lid was bending slightly. He grabbed the handle and opened the lock. The door flew open and a blue figure flew out at Shrike. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" screamed Shrike.

"Wi'm an ASWASSIN!" yelled Aunshi

"Aunshi! I told you no playing Offico Assassitorium in the land raider!" yelled Lion.

"Right let's pull up." Said Leman

……………………………………………………………………………………………

"Ok your room is on the 3rd floor" said the seemingly only staff member.

"Right" said Lion and he took the key.

"Um, why are all the numbers on the doors made in masking tape?" said Cypher.

"Why are the railings just sticks duct taped onto the walls?" said Shrike.

"Shh, we just need to make do" said Lion as they walked into there room.

"Whoa, wit sures fwagwint in here!" said Aunshi.

"Smells like old lettuce and Doobies" said Leman walking into the bathroom.

"Never mind lets watch some T.V.!" said Shrike, rocketing into the bed. "Let's see the many channels we get! Um, ch1 static, ch5 listings, what I'm back to one!"

"Wow one channel! Now we can see all the things we could be watching!" said Cypher. "Also I'm sleeping in the raider, those sheets couldent have been cleaned before last week."

"Doubt they have been cleaned at all cleaned at all" said Lion.

"WHAT THE SINK AND SHOWER DON'T WORK!" yelled Leman.

"Do they have those little brand soaps and shampoos I take, I mean collect?" said Shrike.

"Ya but there all stolen from other hotels" Leman replied. "Look, the soap is from the Warmaster Inn, and the conditioner is from the Las-Motel!"

"What about the shampoo?" said Shrike.

"I don't know, someone ripped off the label and pissed in the bottle!"

"We are out of here" said Cypher.

"Why? Wim watching wa stwatic!" said Aunshi.

"Well, let's just turn on the lights….." said Lion

"Can't" said Creed. "They don't work!"

"Like the remote!" said Shrike, opening it, and showing them that there were no batteries. "It must be for show."

"Like the microwave" said Leman, fiddling with it. It promptly emitted some sparks and turned off.

"Well, um lets get some sleep" said Creed.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

The next morning they got up early, inspected there luggage for any bombs or insects that may have been put in there things, found Aunshi (Who was playing Tech-Priest under the clerks desk) and left. They drove for about an hour without incident until….

"Ugg, who farted" said Cypher.

"Nope" said Shrike

"wuh-uh" said Aunshi

"I would confess it, you know me" said Leman.

"Hang on" said Lion, getting out of the landraider. "AHHHH WE HIT A SKUNK!"

"EWWWWWW!" yelled Aunshi

"Scrape it off! Scrape it off! EHHHHHH!" yelled Creed

"Poor little guy" said Shrike, getting out. "Hey is that another skunk in the ditch?" he added, going over to it. It hissed and raised its tail. "Awww, is someone cranky?"

"I wouldn't do that Sh-" Cypher was cut off. Next thing they knew, Shrike was rolling around on the ground screaming.

"AAAAAAAAAAAH!" Shrike cried, trying desperately to get the smelly fluid off him. "IN MY MOUTH IN MY MOUTH!" he yelled.

"HOLD STILL!" shouted Creed, spraying Shrike with the raider's fire extinguisher. Now covered in foam, Shrike began rocketing around on his jump pack, becoming a sort of smelly, fire retardant, bird thing.

"WAAAAAAAAHH!" screamed Shrike. "HELP GUYS, EMPEROR, KENNY MCORMICK!" Well, as you imagine, extinguisher foam doesn't mix well with jump pack flames. Shrike then fell to the ground as his pack was put out, and was tackled buy everyone else, carrying tomato soup from the Raiders supplies.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

"Well, were finally here" said Creed.

"Yea" said Shrike.

"Fineawy" said Aunshi.

"Well let's check in" said Lion. Then after 2 fun filled weeks, they left for home.

"Hey lets sing a real road song" said Shrike. "Like Trigger Happy by Weird Boy Yank som gutz" so on the way home they all bellowed:

Got a Suped-up Plasma Pistol , well you know it makes me feel alright  
Got an Lasgun by my pillow, helps me sleep a little better at night  
There's no feeling any greater  
Than to Clens first and debate it later  
Now I'm trigger happy, trigger happy every day

Well, you can't take my guns away, I got a Astartes right  
Yeah, I gotta be ready if the Greenskins attack us tonight  
I'll gun them down with my Melta Rifle  
That will probably hurt a trifle  
Now I'm trigger happy, trigger happy every day

(Oh yeah, I'm)trigger, trigger happy  
Yes I'm trigger, trigger happy  
(Oh baby, I'm)trigger, trigger happy  
Yes I'm trigger, trigger happy  
(Oh I'm so)trigger, trigger happy  
Yes I'm trigger, trigger happy  
Better watch out, cult, or I'm gonna have to blow you away

Oh, I accidentally shot my primeark that's becoming a trend

I mistook him in the dark for a drug-crazed cultist again  
now why'd you all freak out dicks?  
It aint any thing the surgeons cant fix!  
You know, I'm trigger happy, trigger happy every day

Oh that traitor brother Trigon is finally dead  
He took my full bolter round, it blew off his head!

I almost shot a brother in the chapel,   
couldn't resist when he held up an apple   
Well, I'm trigger happy, trigger happy every day

(Oh yeah, I'm)trigger, trigger happy  
Yes I'm trigger, trigger happy  
(Oh baby, I'm)trigger, trigger happy  
Yes I'm trigger, trigger happy  
(Oh I'm so)trigger, trigger happy  
Yes I'm trigger, trigger happy  
Better watch out, cults, or I'm gonna have to blow you away

Come on and grab your ammo  
What have you got to lose?  
We'll all get Sacra-ed up  
and purge anything that moves

Got a brand new Chain-fed heavy-bolter with a HUD sight  
Oh, I'm prayin' the Tau try converting me tonight!  
I always keep a Bolt pistol in my speeder

"Watch out!" see that sister, you'd better heed her.   
Because I'm trigger happy, trigger happy every day

(Oh yeah, I'm)trigger, trigger happy  
Yes I'm trigger, trigger happy  
(Oh baby, I'm)trigger, trigger happy  
Yes I'm trigger, trigger happy  
(Oh I'm so)trigger, trigger happy  
Yes I'm trigger, trigger happy  
Better watch out, cults, or I'm gonna have to blow you away

**THE END BUT STAY TUNED!**


	7. Saturday Roxorzz!

Ok, well you may have just noticed that some of my stories have been deleted, and put into this collection. That is simply because I was on a very thin line of breaking Fan fiction rules. They say all series must be placed in one story, so I fixed that. Also, wow! 8 reviews! Man, I love it when my works appreciated! Now after reading this, review my Rise of the Shadow Swords. It's my first story but I have worked on it harder that anything else. So on with the story and I'm Canadian so I know we don't talk like that.

Together forever, this I know,

Weapons held high, and blasting xenos,

Fighting together, side by side,

So come on, come along, for the ride

You are the warriors of my liiiiiiifffffe!

**SATURDAY ROXORZZZ! LOL! ROTF! LMAO! OMG!...No**

"ITS SATURDAY!" yelled Creed as he ran down the stairs at 6 in the morning.

"NO MISSIONS!" yelled Eisenhorn.

"NO TRAINING" yelled Shrike.

"SPINNING MED KITS IN AN ELDAR CRAFTWORLD! THIS IS GREAT!" shouted Callgar.

"This is awesome!" said Cypher.

"Know what else is awesome?" said Shrike.

"SKETCHER'S!" said Cypher.

"SKETCHER'S ARE AWESOME!" Shrike and Cypher yelled together.

"PIPE DOWN" yelled a voice from outside.

"Who's that?" said Leman.

"Kage" said Lion matter-o-factly.

"ROLLING EARTHSHAKERS IN A MOUND OF HALLOWEEN SNOW! HE THINKS I BABLE!"

"Let watch Cartoons!" said Leman.

"OH!" cried Cypher. "Sonic X is on 16!"

"Got to go fast!" yelled Eisenhorn.

"In your dreams!" said Lion. "The Super Mario Brothers Super Show is on 15!"

"Hoo-Hoo-Hooked on da brothers, da brothers, da brothers!" sang Leman.

"On chwannel 9 tween, Swouth P-"

"Shut up Aunshi!" yelled everyone in unison.

"We are watching Sonic X" said Cypher.

"Like orks we are!" said Leman, snatching the remote away from his hand. Then something odd happened. Cyphers hand hung in the air and he seemed to try and push some buttons.

"I WILL WATCH SONIC!" screamed Cypher, leaping on Leman. And the brawl began. Everyone went for Aunshi first and threw him out the window.

"RAVEN STRIKE!" screamed Cypher. He then picked up Shrike and activated his jump pack, sending him rocketing towards towards Leman. Leman sidestepped and Shrike rammed into the wall, his lightning claws pinning him to it in a very uncomfortable position.

"Toilet paper of terror!" yelled Leman as he whipped a loo roll at Cypher. Cypher quickly deflected it and it smoked Lion, knocking him into the kitchen. Then Callgar took a breath.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" he screamed at the top of his lungs. All Glass in a 50 mile radius shattered as well as a particularly unlucky servo skull. The wall Shrike was in crumbled and he fell out of it with the noise of crunching rockcreet, drywall and his yell of triumph. Then he yelled again as part of the roof fell on him.

"Wait a minute!" yelled Creed. "Now we can't even watch TV, thanks to Callgar's sonic attack."

"Huh?" said Cypher, looking at the TV, or, the pile of shattered material that was once the TV."

"That's a prty easy patch job eh?" said the voice of a new character.

"Oh great a Canadian" said Lion coming back in.

"Hey what's all dis aboot Canadians beein bad eh?" said the still unrevealed character.

"Never mind, can you fix our TV?" said Shrike.

"Should be an easy job, Well got to get going then bfor the RCMP bust me, my dog sled is double barked, he, get it eh?"

"Get out of here" said Cypher.

"Why do Canadians talk like that?" said Leman.

"Maybe its just Gaunt who talks like that" said Shrike.

"Nawwwwwww" said everyone.

(K did you get who the new character was? If not read it again)

"Well, now what?" said Creed.

"Ummmmmmmmmmm" said every one.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

"Um, ok coke, sprite, root beer, Ah! SunnyD sweet!" said Creed getting a glass. In the kitchen, Cypher was showing Shrike a magic trick.

"Ok, put that mentos in your mouth but don't swallow, and open your mouth." said Cypher.

"A-k" said Shrike. Then Cypher poured coke into his mouth. Whoosh! All the pop shot out of Shrike's nose and mouth."

"Yfodufvcuacdketr!" Shrike sputtered.

"A HA HA HA!" laughed Cypher.

"Keep it down!" yelled Leman. "This sucker is about to give me a Black Kite for 1000gp!"

"Sorry" said Cypher as Shrike sputtered a response.

"Hey Eisenhorn, want to play some Battleaxe 60k with me?" said Lion

"Sure" Eisenhorn responded.

"Eh? Is Anyboouty home?" said Gaunt, lugging the repaired TV into the house.

"Shweet!" said Aunshi, who had recently come back in. "Wets whatch some TV!" However, now no one wanted too. "Oh whell, cwooking chwannel here I cwome!"

**The End, But stay tuned!**


	8. Back2school

Hey! Sorry I haven't updated in a while, a combination of writers block and working on the shadow swords has effectively got me off track. However there is a new chapter of shadow swords up. Also, they don't now know there in a book, that's just a breaking the fourth wall joke. Enjoy.

**Back2school**

"Awwwwwwww, there's only 2 days of summer vacation left." Creed complained.

"Ya, soon its; bla bla bla Missions, bla bla bla Homework." said Shrike.

"I Wuv scwool! Knowage wis power!" said Aunshi.

"Your so annoying, really why do you hang out with us?" said Cypher.

"AAAAUUUUUGGGG! I don't want to go back" yelled Shrike. "I won't even try this year."

"Hey, always try at school." Said Lion. "Like think about if anyone wrote a series of short stories about us, they probably went to school."

They all give blank looks at you

"Ugggggg! I'm just pissed off that there is no more vacation" said Shrike.

"Let me tell you a story" said Cypher. "Once apon a time there was a guy named…..err………Vulkan, who went to an amusement park. There he saw people walking around with stuffed Sonics. He decided to win one. However when he got to the booth where you could win them, he saw a warpscum sucking ork walking away with the last one. So out of spite, he paid for a beanbag, and was so pissed that when he threw that beanbag, it didn't just knock the cans over, it knocked them out of the booth! And so he won and Eggman. Now it wasn't sonic, but it was sonic related, so it dulled the pain a little. So I think the moral I getting at is that when all hope is lost, get pissed off, it may help."

"Your weird" said Shrike.

"Well at least I don't eat tape!" Cypher shot back.

"Hey, that happened once!"

"Well, then what about the packing tape incident."

"I was framed!"

"Oh well, we have to finish back to school shopping." Said Lion. "Everyone into the raider." Then they all piled in and sped off towards the store.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

"Ohhhhh, I want forty-first star binders Lion!" said Creed.

"I don't think you need them" said Lion.

"Weak sauce" said Creed.

"Look-y Look-y I got a lock, with a wolf on it!" said Shrike.

"I need some spare Holo-quills cuz I'm taking O.R.K.L.A. this year" said Cypher."

"I nweed thwee nwumber 31st penswils." Said Aunshi.

"ROLLING LASGUNS WITH NO AMMO IN THE MUD DISCHARGE OF AN ODD MUD CANNON! I NEED PAINT!" screamed Callgar.

"Im running around in a disorganized fashion!" yelled Leman.

"School shopping too eh?" said Gaunt.

"Ya, it sure stinks that it's back to school." said Lion.

"Well ya can remumber all the good times you had eh?"

"Yaaaaaa!"

Photo Montage

-Cypher pouring coke into shrike's mouth with a mentos in it.

-Creed singing in front of some judges.

-Gregor Eisenhorn walking in for the first time.

-Shrike holding down Aunshi as Cypher puts hair spray down in front of him.

-Lion walking in on Leman taking a dump.

-Callgar fixing the shingles and then falling off the roof

-Cypher desperately trying to pull Gazskull of an Eldar.

-Aunshi holding up a hi-five no one returns.

-Everyone dousing Shrike in tomato soup as he's covered in fire extinguisher foam.

-Leman wrapping up Eisenhorn in toilet paper while he's sleeping.

-Cypher duct-taping shrike to a wall.

-Callgar and Lion egging Kage's house.

-Shrike falling off the land raider.

-Aunshi beating Cypher AND Eisenhorn in a hand wrestle.

"Ahh, those were some good times!" said Leman

"Ya" said Lion. "You know what? School won't be so bad if ya know you're just going to get another montage worth of memories in the coming year!"

"Ya" said Shrike

"Ya" said Cypher

"Ya" said Leman

"Ok" said Eisenhorn

"Cool" said Creed

"What are hwee whwating fwor? Whets gwoooo!"

**THE END For good.**

**JUST KIDDING!**


	9. Halloween Rescue Prt1

**Halloween Rescue! Part 1**

(Ya know you're in for an annoying cliffhanger with a title like that. Also, give yourself a cookie if you guess right on who needs to be rescued and why)

"What are you being for Halloween Cypher?" said Shrike.

"I was thinking maybe a …Big Mek or, a Dark Reaper." Cypher replied.

"Cool" Shrike replied as he rifled through the costume bin at the department store, where they were.

"You being a bird again right?" said Cypher, holding up a necron mask.

"Yup" said Shrike. "Or a ninja"

"I was thinking a going as an inquisitor" said Lion coming over.

"I was thinking as going as a Dark angel's Primeark" said Eisenhorn. They looked at each other.

"Can I borrow some clothes?" they said at the same time. "Whoa" they said simultaneously again. "Battle of Macragge!" "Aunshis cool!" "Ooooohhh"

"Wime bweing the wemperor." said Aunshi.

"Bwa ha ha ha ha ha ha!" everyone laughed.

"You don't have the muscle strength!" laughed Creed.

"Or the looks!" howled Leman. Everyone froze and stared at him. "Well...Um.hu….lets go!" he yelled and ran out of the department store.

……………………………………………………………………………………………...

Soon it was Halloween night and all the little kids and those daemons you ALWAYS seem to roll 1's on were running free in costume.

"TRICK OR TREAT! YA GRETCHEN LOVIN BOYZ" came as a yell from their door.

"Oh I wonder who that could be." Said Shrike, dressed as a Ninja, sarcastically as we went to answer it.

"Are we almost ready to go?" said Eisenhorn, dressed as Lion

"Yup" said creed dressed as football player, slinging a garbage bag full of eggs and toilet paper over his back. "No one better give me a Fruit-to-Go again this year!" he smiled.

"ILL REMEMBER THAT ON MONDAY IN GYM SHRIKE!" came a yell and then a slamming of a door.

"Oh-no" said Shrike.

"Let's go" said Leman, dressed as a toilet.

"Ok" said Lion, dressed as Eisenhorn.

Then they all walked outside. Suddenly there was a crash of thunder and scary music played.

"MU WA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!" came a voice as a huge figure descended from the sky. "I AM HOURUS! THE ULTIMATE BAD GUY!"

"Wait a second" said Cypher, dressed as a magician. "I thought Abbadon was our bad guy?"

"Yes, well" started Hourus. "Everything need's to have its like, bad guy, and then the other bad guy of equal or greater badness. Think about it; Darth Vader and The Emperor, Eggman and the Meterex, Kallous and Splitter Crow, Covenant and The prophets, Tediz and the Panther king, Kiba and Merek, Digimon gets a new bad guy like every three episodes, the- "

"What ever, so you're a really bad guy." Said Lion.

"Yes! And I have come to take the emperor!" said Hourus, reaching for Aunshi."

"NWOOOO! WIME NWOT THE WEMPEROR!" Aunshi yelled as Hourus flew away with him.

"We will save you Aunshi!" yelled Lion. "Boy there is something id never thought id say!"

(Play cool techno music or the transformers theme if ya got it.)

"BATTLE MODE!" yelled Shrike.

"CYPHER! TERRORIZE!" screamed Cypher.

"LION TRANSFORM!" bellowed Lion.

"ANIMORPH!" yelled Creed

"METAMORPH!" yelled Eisenhorn

"BY THE POWER OF GRAYSKULL!" yelled Leman.

"MAPLE SYURP HOCKEYTIZE!" yelled Gaunt.

"When did he get here?" said Lion. "Well anyways! Let's go save Aunshi!" And they charged away in there powerful battle suits they could always change into!

**STAY TUNED FOR PART 2!! **


	10. Halloween Rescue Part 2 REALLY!

That's right, I not dead, I'm not lost, my computer didn't get stolen by aliens, and I didn't develop a morbid fear of keyboards. So now I bring you the second part of the story that you're all fed up of waiting for. BTW, 2,000 hits? Boo-ya!

**Halloween Rescue part 2! Finally!**

Unfortunately, Hourus simply laughed and shot his powerful purple eye beams which destroyed their suits and knocked them back into the house. He then flew off with an evil cackle.

"Uggggg, most of my body hurts" said Shrike, pulling himself out of the rubble.

"My bruises have blood blisters" moaned Creed.

"I'm covered in boo-boos." Cypher wept. Then he noticed everyone staring at him. "I mean I'm covered in the most manly ultra painful battle scars which are manly."

"TRICK OR TREAT!" yelled a small ork boy at the door/rubble pile.

"GO AWAY!" yelled Shrike.

"WAAAAAA!" and he ran down the front walk; strait to Gazskull.

"OHHHHHH! YOU'RE GOING TO GET IT IN GYM SHRIKE! PUSH UPS UNTIL YOUR FINGERS FALL OFF!" And he stormed away.

"Listen up guys, we need to save Aunshi." said Lion.

"Ya, but our house is destroyed." said Shrike.

"We could go to my mom's house" said Cypher. Everyone stared at him.

"I mean my manly death fortress with spikes and death."

……………………………………………………………………………………………...

"Whoa guys! Check out this show!" said Shrike, turning on the T.V. in Shrikes moms house. "It's like, a bunch of piñatas! Sweet!"

"How are we going to rescue Aunshi?"

"Aunshi needs rescuing?" said Shadowsun, walking in.

"Oh my, another new character." said Creed.

"No kidding, why can the author just have like, 4 maybe 5 of us? It gets confusing and he sometimes forgets to put some of us in sometimes."

"ROLLING NECRONS IN THE SKY WITH NACHOS! LIKE ME!" screamed Callgar.

"Guys! Stop breaking the fourth wall! You're ruining the story! And the magic." yelled Lion

"Get back to the story guys." Streak Raven said, my finger on the delete button.

"Ok, ok, so, who are you?" Lion asked Shadowsun.

"I'm Aunshi's girlfriend." She replied. Everyone toppled over laughing.

"No who are you?" said Leman, eyes streaming.

"His girlfriend" she said, unable to understand why everyone fell over laughing again.

"That was almost funnier the 2nd time!" said Lion.

"I am really his girl friend." Said Shadowsun, annoyed. "He can be quite the gentleman." This shut them all up.

"Did you know that?" Shrike whispered to Cypher, looking up from Viva Piñata.

"Do you think I would have put glue in his toothpaste if I did?" Cypher replied. Then they crashed to the floor laughing.

"Anyways, I can rescue Aunshi, but I need help." said Shadowsun.

"That makes absolutely no sense." said Eisenhorn.

"Let's go" said Lion.

……………………………………………………………………………………………...

Soon they were outside Hourus's base. Round orange egg-bots patrolled around.

"This summer job sucks." They herd one grumble in a metallic tone.

"Right, this is going to be a stealth mission." whispered Shadowsun. They all went deathly silent, except for Shrike who was humming; "Viva piñata, filled with fun, filled with fun!"

"Shrike! This is a stealth mission" scolded Lion.

"Right" he replied.

They readied there gear;

Shadowsun; commander

Creed; rifleman

Cypher; demolitions

Shrike; Air support

Eisenhorn and Lion: communications back at the house

Callgar: Support

Leman: Carried the boom box that played spy music.

Shrike activated his jump pack and flew up to the roof and using his lightning claws, dug a hole into the room below. He then carefully then lowered a rope to the ground and went in. The rest went in through the unguarded front door.

"Right" Lion crackled across the walky-talky. "Head down the front hallway." Suddenly the boom box that was playing the spy music switched to some Brittney spears garbage.

"No! No! No!" yelled Eisenhorn across the mic. Suddenly scary music played and lightning flashed.

"I'm glad you're here" said Hours, descending upon them. "Because now that you're here, I want to give him back." And he threw Aunshi on the ground in front of him.

"Owch" He said.

"UGGGG! Take him please!" yelled Horus "That accent is so annoying, take him back!"

"Hmmm, well, what else will you give us?" said Creed.

"Uhh, he's given us the hostage, we don't continue negotiating" whispered Cypher.

"Shhguhs" said Creed. "Will you fix our house?"

"Done!" said Horus. "Just get him out of here!"

Soon they were heading back to there house in a ship they were provided.

"Well, I guess, the moral here is if a friend is stolen, make sure it's the annoying one." Lion voice said across the radio.

"Ya!" said Aunshi!"

And they all laughed.

**THE END!**

Director: Streak Raven

Key grip: Cletus Sampson

Boy Grip: Steven Chapman

Other Grip: Adam Macintyre

Best Grip: Cliff Hudson

Grip we liked but felt could have made better Chile: Paul Carson


	11. Dorks Of the Dead

Im back! Cuz my comp got Virus'd. Also an author by the name of Delta 38 Blood Raven has created a warhammer story that uses the characters from this series. Don't go all angry mob on him though, I gave him full permission. If you're a fan of the warriors, you should check it out.

**Dorks of the Dead**

"I'm baaaaaack!" yelled Creed coming into the house, clutching a movie.

"All right!" yelled Lion leaping up from the couch.

"Whoot" said Aunshi.

"Don't say that" said Cypher. "And your not cool" he added.

"Anyways," said Creed, turning the movie to show them. "Rise of the heretical mutant zombies who kill violently with blood and gore, directors cut.

"With 46.8 seconds of extra footage that is guaranteed to make you pee your pants?" said Leman excitedly.

"With 46.8 seconds of extra footage that is guaranteed to make you pee your pants" repeated Creed in an advertiser voice.

"Included Vomit bags?" asked Shrike, also rather exited.

"Included Vomit bags" Creed repeated again, pulling them out and showing them.

"TYRANNID BABYS LEAPING INTO ORK TRUKKS AT ABOUT 47 MILES PER HOUR! LET'S WATCH IT!" screamed Callgar.

"Ok!" said Lion. "Creed, put the movie in, Cypher, make some popcorn, everyone else get some blankets and pillows. Oh, and Shrike, push the couches together."

(After the movie)

Everyone began to head to bed, wide eyed.

"Gosh, what do you think happened to the girl's gizzard?" said Lion.

"Who knew intestines could be used like that" Shrike said. Aunshi would only keep repeating the same thing; "Why dwid thwe dwog's brwain do thwat?"

Late at night, Shrike awoke with a start. He heard a noise in the hall, and went to investigate. He went around the corner and…….. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" screamed Lion

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" screamed Shrike back.

"What are you doing up?" stammered Shrike.

"What are you doing?" Lion said back.

"I heard you" said Shrike

"Ya?" said Lion. "Or did you just want my flesh for a tasty snack?"

"What?" said Shrike?

"You heard me you gross brain eater!"

"Oh really" Shrike retorted. "Or-or are you trying to make me lose my guard? Yea, you want to tear out my stomach and use it as a bowl as you slurp up my intestines like spaghetti! Zombie!"

"Nether of you evil zombies are doing anything!" said Leman walking out from his room.

"Why?" said Lion. "Are you going to eat us so we can't do anything?"

"Everyone to the living room" said Shrike. Soon, everyone was in the living room, looking at everyone else with scared glances.

"Ok, now, one of us is a zombie" Lion began. "And we need to find out whom." "Luckily, just like in the movie we wil-" Then the power went out.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" screamed everyone in unison. There was a burst of flame as Shrike took off through the roof. There was a smash as Callgar pushed his way through the wall, yelling about snowballs and orks. Everyone else took off through the house.

"Hello? Arbities? There are zombies in the house!" Lion was screaming into the phone, even though it didn't work.

"Run!" yelled Leman, crashing out the back door into the yard. In a few minutes everything was silent, and everyone was hiding.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

"Shrike?" Cypher said, walking around the dark backyard. "Shrike? You out here?" Suddenly there was a zap of a lightning claw and a bird squawk. The claw was at Cyphers throat.

"Don't move zombie" Shrike said. He had the vox on his helmet set to "Scary" so when he talked, he sounded like Darth Vader.

"Don't worry Darth, im no zombie." said Cypher.

"How can I be sure?"

"I killed your pet rock in 3rd grade."

"Rocky?" sniffed Shrike? "Lion told me he ran away!"

"Ya well, he lied, but ya know it's me now though."

"K, good, join my group" said Shrike. "But put on your helmet and go to scary."

"Why?" questioned Cypher.

"It will scare the zombies!"

"Scare zombies."

"Work with me!"

"Ok" Cypher pulled on his helmet and switched to "Scary" His voice sounded like Bowser.

"Let's go."

………………………………………………………………………………………………

"Soon they ran into lion, leman, and Creed near the front door."

"Stay back zombies!" said Lion.

"I've got party foods!" yelled Creed, holding up one of the cupcakes he had taken from the kitchen.

"Hey those are mine!" yelled Shrike.

"What? You can still think about other things than brains!" said Leman.

"Don't fall for it Leman!" warned Lion. "This is one of his zombie tricks"

"No its not!" said Cypher.

"Oh yea?" said Lion "Then what's my age?"

"Easy" said Shrike. "Its-((((Blocked so as not to mess with canon-ness)))"

"Ok" said Lion. "You're not a zombie, but what's with the scary mode?"

"Scare the real zombie!" said Shrike.

"Good idea!" they switched to. Lion became 'Ganondorf' Creed became 'Psycho Mantis" and Leman became 'Kerrigan?'

Soon they found Aunshi, Callgar and Eisenhorn too. Soon they were in the group as well with Aunshi as 'Grunty', Callgar as 'Dracula', and Eisenhorn as 'Dr. Eggman

"Wait" said Shrike. "If were all not zombies, who is?"

"Hey neighbor! Sorry! I think I cut your power line while mowing my lawn at night for no reason!" said Kage, shambling into the view.

"ZOMBIE!" Screamed everyone.

"AAAAAAHHHHHH! DARTH VADER! BOWSER! GANONDORF! PSYCHO MANTIS! KERRIGAN! GRUNTY! DRACULA AND EGGMAN!" Kage yelled back.

"Hey he could be the new Callgar when the author kills the current one off!" said Shrike.

"I mean I didn't release a spoiler! I didn't break the fourth wall! That's not factual information!"

"Forget the author! GET THE ZOMBIE!" Leman yelled.

Epilogue:

Kage got away and never mowed his lawn at night again.

All of them got arrested for impersonation of classic video game characters.

Except Shrike, who had his brain sued out of him by Lucasarts.

It grew back.

Creed paid 5.80 in late fees.

Cypher had bagels the following morning

**THE END**

**BUT STAY TUNED!**


	12. A Very Warhammer Christmas

Merry Christmas! Or happy whatever it is you may celebrate!

**A Very Warhammer Christmas **

"Doo-do-doo, Doo-do-doo, dum-dee-dee-de-doooo" hummed Cypher as he put the finishing touches on the tree.

"I Cwan't Fwind mwy Eggwogg cwup!" said Aunshi looking around.

"Don't forget guys! We got to see Santa before the days over!" exclaimed Lion.

"Are you sure we will have time?" asked Shrike, fixing the tags on the gifts. Cypher had thought it would be funny if all the gifts were for him. "It is Christmas tomorrow and all!"

"But it's a Christmas tradition!" complained Lion.

"But its Nerdy!" said Cypher

"Ya and why can't all those kids, and Leman, control there bodily functions while sitting on his knee?" said Shrike.

"I nweed two fwind my eggwogg cwup!" said Aunshi, rummaging through the Christmas decorations.

"Well it couldn't hurt, we still need to go Christmas shopping so we need to go anyways." said Lion

"That's stupid" said Eisenhorn, walking in.

"What?" said Lion.

"Finishing our Christmas shopping on the day before Christmas." said Eisenhorn.

"That is pretty poo-ey." Said Leman walking in, "but let's go!"

………………………………………………………………………………………………

"Look! Look! There's Santa!" exclaimed Leman.

"OH NO NOT YOU!" yelled Santa, leaping up from his thrown and dropping the gretchen who wanted to be a sqiggoth for Christmas. "I'M STILL GETTING THE POO STAINS OUT FROM LAST TIME!"

"Awe Leman, he remembers you!" said Lion. "You must have been really good all year!"

"YAAAAAAAY!" yelled Leman and he sprinted toward Santa.

"AAAAAAAAAAH!" Santa screamed as he sprinted out of his Christmas village display and down the mall.

"COME BACK!" yelled Leman, and he ran after him.

"Well, there he goes." said Shrike. "Should we catch him?"

"Naw." said Cypher. And they moved to various stores.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

As they moved into the nearest store, Shrike noticed a someone hiding behind a pile of boxes.

"Oh, hey Khorne" said Shrike absent mindedly. "What are you doing?"

"Hiding!" said Khorne.

"Oh let me guess" said Cypher coming over. "PETA is after you again huh?"

"Ya! And come on! It's my job to abuse things but nooooooooo" Khorne whined.

"Well good luck" said Cypher, and he and Shrike walked away.

"Hey Shrike, aren't you a member of PETA?" said Cypher.

"No, im a member of SMFPATB" he replied.

"What's that?" said Cypher.

"Space Marines For Preventing Abuse To Birds"

"I see….. how many members?"

"Um, well im member #000000000000001"

"You are so weird" said Cypher and they left the store.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

"COME BACK SANTA!" screamed Leman as he chased him.

"GET AWAY FROM ME!" Santa yelled back at him. He quickly turned down a hallway and leapt into an elevator. "Come on, come on!" Santa said as he mashed the door close.

"SANTA! SANTA! SANTA!" yelled Leman as he came running around the corner.

"AHHHH!" Screamed Santa. The Door began to close.

"SANTA NOOOOOOO!" screamed Leman and he took a flying leap towards the elevator. (Epic music would be really good by now) Leman flew towards the elevator. The door wasn't going to close fast enough. Santa pushed himself towards the back wall. "NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!" yelled Leman in mock slow motion. The door kept closing, slowly. Then Leman crashed to the floor, about 10 meters from the door. What? You didn't really expect him to be able to leap down an entire hallway did you? Jeeze what do you think this is, some crappy action story? Anyways the door closed and Santa sighed a sigh of relief.

"He he, that was a close one." He smiled, and then the door opened.

"Hi Santa!" said Leman. He took the stairs.

"AHHHHHH!" Santa screamed as Leman leapt into his lap, wet himself, and then proceeded to tell him everything he wanted for Christmas.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

After returning from the mall, they set about the house engaging in all sorts of holiday activities. Cypher and Shrike had the yearly Christmas eggnog chug, and Creed had the honor of this year's accidental starting fire to the tree.

"It's almost time for bed guys" Lion said. So get into your pajamas and make sure we shut off the houses turret defense grid. "We DON'T want a repeat of last year."

"LEAPING SCRABS INTO GIANT RED SANTA CANNONS! IT'S A GOOD THING SHRIKE WAS UP GETTING EGGNOG!" Callgar screamed.

"Anyways, we just don't want that to happen again" said Lion. Then he clapped his hands. "So, let's get to bed." So they did.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

The next morning they crept downstairs to open there presents. It was full of the usually Christmas cheer, especially when Aunshi opened his present and a angry squig was launched out at him, courtesy of Cypher. Yet all of Cyphers presents seemed to be missing, until they turned up in the dumpster. Cypher assumed it was Shrike or Lion, but never saw Aunshi smiling.

"Mwerry Chwistmas two all anwd two awll a gwood nwight!"

Merry Christmas from Streak-Raven and everyone here at the warriors! (It's just me. But the characters could count to I guess.)


End file.
